Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months. And here we are!
I wanted to give all of you an update. I started this blog as an outlet. I wanted it to be an expression and documentation of my life, as well as a safe place for others.
So, here, I am honest. The last how many months have been the most difficult I have experienced. My physical health was all over the place. The cold & flu season hit me HARD. I won’t go into too much detail, but know it was not a happy time. My physical health kind of poured into my mental health. Different areas of life and my physical health elevated my anxiety to a paralyzing level. I felt stuck and very distant.
Again, I will not go into too much detail, but anyone who needs someone to talk to, and can relate, message me.
This past year, I have had to own up to the fact that I do not always have control, and I cannot let that fact control me.
I was always used to being confident & careless. Yes, I claimed to be a worrier. BUT I didn’t know the true meaning. Now, I do.
I feel like I am on the other side now. . . Knowing it may return with full force one day, but also knowing there is a tomorrow. There is an ending to what seems like forever.
As humans, we are trained to be in the present. Which is good sometimes. But it is important to know everything is TEMPORARY.
I am grateful. YES grateful. That I had the opportunity to experience a SMALL taste of what some people live with most of the time. This is my passion. Hey, I am a psych major! I am grateful to be able to understand what I learn and talk about. It was awful, and some days I felt like it was never going to end, but I reminded myself that my future is bigger than me. There is tomorrow. With everyday, it gets a little easier.
The reason it took me so long to write this is because I would have setbacks. I would have some good days then a really bad day. I felt like I couldn’t talk about it until I overcame it. But I realized… this is going to be a life battle. I may go through bad seasons, but there will always be upcoming battles that are harder than the previous.
I also felt embarrassed. Everyone doesn’t understand. I didn’t want to hear “thats life” or “suck it up”. I didn’t want to feel small or weak.
Now I see, people’s opinions do not make me those things, my perception of myself makes me take those labels as my own.
I want to say that I vow to take responsibility for my attitude. I vow to know that life is hard, but to wake up and try every day. I vow to not let myself be the victim and fight like the various survivors we have to look to for inspiration. I vow to hold myself accountable for making the best out of a horrible situation.
I hope everyone can do the same. And if you are struggling. Please, contact me. Contact me, a friend, or family.
You are loved & your battles matter. ❤